Orochimaru and Gaara on date? WTF?
by Retaliachan
Summary: I wasn't on crack when i wrote this i swear. i was just bored


Orochimaru and Gaara on a date? WTF?

(Gaara is sitting on a bench with Sasori and Deidara getting him ready. Gaara is in a female form not looking thrilled.)

Gaara I can't believe you talked me into this. And to be in this form too.

Sasori: Oh come on Kazekage-sama. Lighten up. Its just one date.

Gaara: But with Orochimaru? You guys are sick!

(Pein comes in)

Pein: Is he ready yet? Konan is just about done with Orochimaru.

Deidara: We would be done, if Gaara would just sit still to have lipstick put on him.

(Pein takes one look at Gaara and laughs his full head off)

Gaara: What? Whats so funny?

Pein: Man oh man. Do I feel sorry for you. And I thought Itachi was bad.

Gaara tosses his purse at Pein)

Gaara: Shut up Pein.

(Konan and Orochimaru come in)

Konan: Ok we're done. Gaara...

Gaara: (Points at Konan) Not a word. Lets just get this over with.

(Pein turns around and does a double take at orochimaru in surprise)

Pein: Wow. Orochimaru is that you?

Orochimaru: Yes. Why? Is there something wrong with my hair?

( All give him a WTF look)

Orochimaru: (looks at Gaara) Hubba Hubba.

(Orochimaru takes Gaara and scurries off)

Gaara: (as Orochimaru takes him away) You guys owe me for this.

Pein: Come on we better follow them.

Konan: Why They're not going to kill each other. Are they?

Pein/Deidara: Yes!

Konan: Oh.

(Orochimaru and Gaara get chummy while the Akatsuki hide in the bushes with walkie talkies and binoculars watching Gaara and Orochimaru.)

Konan: Radio Check

Sasori: Check

Deidara: Clear

Pein: No speaky english. Espaniol pro ve vor.

Konan: Quit clowning around Pein.

Pein: Whose clowning.

Sasori: He speaky english

Pein: God dammit

Konan: Hey! Quit clowning around and look at Orochimaru and Gaara.

( The akatsuki finds Gaara and Orochimaru holding hands and staring at a fountain with they're binoculars.)

Konan: Found them. Woah!

Pein: ( Turns towards where shes looking) What? OMG! Well... this is awkward.

Sasori: What are you two looking at?

(He looks where they're looking)

Sasori: Are they kissing

Deidara: (looks just in time to see Orochimaru and Gaara kissing) That is so wrong. I wish I was Orochimaru right now.

Sasori: (A little peeved) What was that?

Deidara: ( shuts the mic off) oh crap. (Turns it back on) Nothing

Pein: OK which one of you said that?

Konan: Wasn't me

Pein: I know it wasn't you Konan. It was a male voice that said it.

Sasori: Wasn't me

Deidara: … Wasn't me

Pein: Yes it was

Deidara: No it wasn't

Konan: Uh-huh sure

(Sasori and Pein start to laugh)

(Orochimaru and Gaara look over and see a bush shaking back and forth. And they come over to the bush)

Orochimaru: All right, come on out. We know you're in there.

(Pein and Konan come rolling out of the bush laughing)

Pein: (into his mic) mayday, mayday. Abort mission. Abort mission we've been discovered.

(Sasori and Deidara come out from their hiding spot)

Gaara: Have you guys been following us the whole time?

Pein: No

Konan: No

Sasori: No

Deidara: Yes

(Pein, Konan, and Sasori smack Deidara upside the head)

( Gaara giggles a litte and Orochimaru looks at him and Gaara goes quiet)

Deidara: Yes, I got the Kazekage to smile.

(Sasori and Orochimaru put Gaara and Deidara back to back so they can't face each other. Then Deidara uses a smoke bomb and takes Gaara)

Sasori: (looks around) Where did they go?

Orochimaru: I don't know but, nobody steals my man and gets away with it alive.

Sasori: Then what are we waiting for. Lets go find them.

(Sasori and Orochimaru start out on one the shortest but most exasperating searches of their lives, looking high and low for Gaara and Deidara.)

( They come to the middle where the fountain is and little did they know Gaara is right behind them with Deidara sitting on him)

Sasori: We've looked everywhere.

Orochimaru: There has to be somewhere we haven't looked.

?: Don't touch me you psychotic raving lunatic.

(Orochimaru comes and looks over the fountain area and sees Deidara sitting on Gaara, who is tied up.)

Orochimaru: You! Get the hell off my man. Now!

(Deidara looks up)

Deidara: Or what? Your're nothing but a bunch of empty threats.

Orochimaru: You have no idea who you're talking to do you?

(Deidara starts to touch Gaara again)

Orochimaru: Don't touch him!

Deidara: If I can get that much anger out of you, I wonder what would happen if I did this.

(Deidara picks Gaara up by the collar and kisses him)

(Rage, Malice, Anger, revenge, and blood lust builds inside Orochimaru's eyes. But Sasori gets to Deidara first.)

Sasori: (takes Deidara and drags him away) We need to talk before you get murdered.

Deidara: Sasori stop it, Orochimaru is full of hot...

Sasori: If you want to live, don't finish that sentence. Just come with me. Right now.

(Sasori takes Deidara by the ear and drags him away)

(Orochimaru unties Gaara and looks him over)

Gaara: (Brushes himself off) Godammit he got my outfit dirty.

Orochimaru: Are you ok?

Gaara: Yes, I'm fine

Orochimaru: Then lets go.

Gaara: Not yet. Theres something I need to do first.

(Gaara goes to Deidara and punches him)

Gaara: Thats for killing me the first time you captured me and for just plain creeping me out the second time.

(Gaara goes back to Orochimaru)

Gaara: Much better. Now we can go.

(Gaara and Orochimaru leave while the Akatsuki members peel Deidara off the ground)

Deidara: I'll get you next time Gaara. Just you wait.


End file.
